In case you didn’t notice, new year’s resolutions never work.
Because it’s an abstract concept which does not exist in reality. Just writing something on a paper or saying it out loud does not mean that you’ll do it. Damn, I’ve been telling my mom I’ll do the laundry tomorrow for 2 freakin’ weeks and never really got around to even throwing my laundry in the right basket.
Am I going to do that? No. Why? Because I don’t care if my clothes aren’t clean. I’ll wrap myself with toilet paper, if it comes to that, and call myself a damn Egyptian mummy!
I’ve been writing about human behavior, habits, psychology, and sociology for over a year now. And one thing that I have realized in the process is that most new year’s resolutions are just a rant about stuff that we are probably never going to do.
To change, you need to want the change and out of the 50 odd resolutions that you make every year, you barely want 2 of them.
Change only comes when you rewire your brain, and as cool as that sounds, you’re no freakin’ electrician! To rewire your brain, you need the ambition and want to go through the pain, the trials and tribulations, the hurdles that come in your way. Change does not come without a price.
After lots of research, I’ve found one resolution that has a higher chance of your sticking to it (no pun intended) and changing your life for the better.
Resolution: “I will be selfish and care for myself only.”
Now, before you dismiss me as a maniac, just hear me out:
18.1% of the American population suffers from anxiety disorders!
In case you failed Math at school, let me break that down for you. Every fifth person in the US fears to go outside, to interact with people, to speak in front of a group, to put themselves out there, and dozens of other activities that we take for granted.
18.1% are diagnosed, and millions of others are frantically scared of social interactions but never really go to a psychiatrist. 300 million people around the world suffer from depression. Let me put zeros with that number so a lot of Einsteins can understand how big it really is: 300,000,000!
This new year, let’s be selfish. Let’s worry about our own selves before we worry about others. A lot of people make new year’s resolutions like, “This year, I’ll be happy!”
Now, cute as that might be, how are you going to do that? Happiness is not a concrete product which can just be bought from the local supermarket. To become happy, you need to eliminate all the contents from your life that make it hard for you to have a smile on your face and this post will help you achieve that. The only thing that you need to do is become selfish for your own happiness.
Here is a list of 3 points that you should consider for following your self-care new year’s resolution. Once you’re done with that, you’ll be far happier and confident than you currently are.
Leave your so-called friends who do not care for you:
Believe it or not, that “gang” that you have is probably one of the major reasons why you’re suffering.
According to research published in The Journal of Early Adolescence, it is seen that anxiety is related to lower friendship quality.
For those who suffer in their friendships, there are broadly two groups.
Group number 1: the people who are just puppets and have no place in the group.
It doesn’t matter to anyone in the “gang” whether these people are present or not. They might as well be invisible to everyone else and if that’s your goal, I’d advise you to take a magician’s course on the internet instead of wasting time with your “friends.”
Group number 2: those who are constantly targeted and “roasted” just because people can.
If you belong to either of the two groups, you need to break free and make new friends. (I’ll teach you how to do that in the coming posts, so subscribe to this blog to remain updated.)
Do you fear that you’re constantly being judged? Do you walk across the room fearing that you’ll fall down? Are you scared to drive with a group of people in the car? Do you practice what you’ll say before making a random phone call?
If that’s you, then you should definitely consider this new year’s resolution.
Understand that you’re not destined to screw up and even if you do; it doesn’t matter. We all know at least one person in life who does the stupidest shit without the fear of being judged. These people are probably the happiest ones that we know and we often find ourselves wondering how they do that.
The secret: they know what makes them happy and do that without considering what others would think.
Let’s say that you screw something up or do something stupid and people laugh at you. They would probably remember that for another half an hour, a couple of hours maybe, then go back home and forget whatever happened.
The world does not revolve around you, and frankly, it doesn’t care.
This is the scariest and most liberating sentence that everyone should learn and comprehend. You’re thinking and over-thinking about something which happened to you when people have most definitely forgotten about it a long time ago. This is the best new year’s resolution to liberate yourself from the fear of embarrassment.
Stop being a people-pleasing jerk and learn to say “no”:
Let’s just get this out of the way: most of us are softies even if we act like we’re badass. We like to fit in the social environment and are scared of people talking bullshit behind our backs.
If someone asks for a favor, we help them out even if that means frying our brains out on the laptop at 3 am in the night.
Understand that you do not need to say “yes” to everything. At school, I lived a celebrity life. Everyone knew me, I was heading most events and councils, teachers loved me but never got to see me in class; the dream life. But during this whole time period, I had one major problem:
I did not know how to say “no”, and that led me to take on a lot more burden than I could afford.
If there was a particular teacher in charge of an event, she would want me to become a part of that. Another one would like me to conduct the opening ceremony for some other program. After that, another one would come up to me and say, “Hey, Khalil. You know, I’ve never asked you for any help because I know you’re busy most of the time. But I really need you to help me out today.”
My problem was that I never said “no” and despite telling myself for years that it’s because I have an insane amount of respect for my teachers; let’s be real!
I just didn’t have the guts to tell them that I wouldn’t do this because I was a damn people pleaser! That… and the fact that I loved the extra class bunks that came with this insane amount of work at school!
Everywhere around us, we’re looking to bag ourselves more friends and acquaintances by agreeing to their wishes. Even in conversations, we analyze what the other person wants to hear and say things to make them feel better.
Well, when are we going to analyze what we want and play conversations like that? (Again, a topic for a later post!)
I know all of this sounds like a huge burden and something that’s close to impossible. But let me ask you a question:
Is it worth being miserable all your life just so that you wouldn’t have to take initiative to become happy?
It might look like a long road to social success, but you need to know that you can!